Are You A Slave To Love?
What does love mean to you? How do you know if you have love with another? Is it how they treat you? By what they say? Is it by doing things you want them to do or buying you things that you need or desire?
True unconditional love has no definitions or conditions. It just is. The moment you put the word love into meaning then it becomes conditional. It no longer is love, but an obligation, an expectation, or a requirement that you can either pass or fail.
Are you actually seeking unconditional love or are you seeking positive judgment? Are you actually seeking unconditional love in relationship or are you desiring someone to be your slave? Every condition you have to fulfill to prove your love for someone is slavery. Every condition you make for others to prove they love you makes them a slave.
If your relationship with another isn’t great or if you can’t seem to find a relationship that sticks at all (and you want one), then perhaps it is time to look at what level of slavery is required in your mind for such a union. You may be surprised by the conditions you have set up for yourself and others. It is not uncommon for people to define love as someone who will do what I want, be what I want, and love what I love. Basically that’s asking someone to give up their life to please you. If that is what you are asking for, then that is what you have determined love is. And when you love someone, you will do that. You will give up your life in order to please them. How many of you are doing that?
I’ve done that tons of times in my dating life. Never worked. Finally I met a guy who wouldn’t give up his life for me and didn’t ask me to give up mine for him. Somehow, I managed to recognize the true unconditional loving quality in that – although I almost let it go. I almost broke up with him when this became apparent to me, because it was so different than what I was used to. Fortunately, I didn’t.
Would you be willing to give up all your definitions of what love is and look for what honors, appreciates, and allows you to be you? Would you be willing to give others that courtesy as well? Telling your spouse how he is wrong is not honoring them. It doesn’t appreciate them. It certainly doesn’t allow them to be what they choose. Telling yourself how wrong you are doesn’t honor, appreciate, or allow you to be you either.
Create unconditional love by letting go of all your conditions. Love just because. Allowance for what you are choosing without making you right or wrong. Create this relationship with you and all your relationships – whether they be romantic or otherwise – will improve.
Writing about this reminds me of a message I received from my higher guidance who call themselves The Beings of the Light. I wrote about this in my book Azez Medicine: Healing the Mind Body and Spirit with the Help of The Beings of the Light. Here is that excerpt. It’s about how I decided that if my husband loved me, he would clean the toilet once in awhile. Enjoy!
“From our perspective there is only love. Love appears as light. When we notice dark, there is no judgment. We don’t sit around and complain about the dark. We don’t blame the dark for infringing on our light. We don’t worry that the dark is going to consume our light. (They laugh). Dark can’t consume light. Light consumes dark! When there is dark, we only see a place that our love can fill. That is the challenge that we present to you: when faced with something that feels dark, see it as a place that your love can fill. In this way, there is no need to fix or change what is there. It is in the loving, that the fixing and changing occurs. Either the situation will miraculously change on its own or you will be inspired to perform some action that will facilitate the change.
Let us provide you with two possible scenarios to illustrate our meaning.
Scenario A: You become angry that someone else hasn’t cleaned the toilet and complain that you are the only one who can seem to notice the mess, while you scrub away.
Our interpretation: You notice the dark, are annoyed by the dark, complain about the dark, leaving a clean, unappreciated toilet, and a very dark, unappreciative you.
Scenario B: You realize the toilet needs cleaning, thank the toilet for letting you know it needs cleaning by producing an unsightly ring in the bowl and a foul odor. You scrub away the mess, feeling satisfied as you breathe in a new fresh scent.
Our interpretation: You notice the dark, are grateful for the light, gain inspiration and motivation to shine your light, leaving a clean, appreciated toilet and an appreciative, happy you.
The average person’s interpretation of both: Same result. Clean toilet.
As you can see, it’s not the same result. It’s not about getting a clean toilet. It’s about how much love you can feel in any given circumstance. When placed in a situation where you notice the dark, see it as an opportunity to fill it with your light. Do this, and you will find your happiness.”
I was compelled to ask, “How does this help me to get my husband to clean the toilet?”
Answer: “We will give you two more scenarios:
Scenario A: You see the dirty toilet, complain your husband hasn’t cleaned it, and complain to him that he never cleans the toilet. You clean the toilet. Your husband is annoyed by your judgment of him not being helpful, may or may not say some words of annoyance, and walks away.
Our Interpretation: You see the dark, tell your husband it’s his fault that there’s dark, and in a dark mood, you clean your toilet. Your husband sees your dark, matches your dark, and raises it with his dark words. He leaves in a dark mood.
Scenario B: You take time to notice all the things your husband does for you and your family. You feel the gratitude for his presence in your life. You tell your husband, with a sincere grateful heart, thank you for all that he does. You notice the dirty toilet. You don’t care that your husband didn’t notice, because you noticed how much he does. You clean it with a grateful heart. This pattern may go on for awhile, until one day you notice that the toilet isn’t dirty, because, for some strange reason, your husband cleaned it for you, giving you just one more reason to find love and appreciation for all that he does.
Our interpretation: You see the light in your husband. You tell your husband you see his light and thank him for it. He feels your light making him feel light as well. You clean the toilet from a place of light. As you carry on this light-filled intention, the light grows and manifests into what you want – to feel appreciated for all that you do.
Do you understand now that it really has nothing to do with who cleans the toilet? It has everything to do with how much light and love you carry in any given moment. Light begets light. Dark begets dark. You will never find light in a dark place until you turn on your own light switch. When you focus upon what your husband isn’t doing, you have turned your switch into the off position. The moment you notice and appreciate what he is doing, you flip your switch into the on position. You are the only one who can turn that switch on and off, so stop expecting him to do it. He’s got his own switch to look after, and you can’t control it. But when you turn on your switch, it shows him how to turn on his.”
I began to realize how much I expected my husband to flip my switch. No more. I could do it all on my own, better and faster than he or anyone else. I flipped my switch to the on position, and happily went to clean my toilet.
-End of excerpt