What Rules You?

Do you consider yourself a rule-follower or a rule-breaker? Whatever the answer, one thing that you may not be aware of is that every person has their own set of rules they follow. These rules are important to know because they drive your every action.

Yep, every one follows a set of rules. You have rules for love, success, relationships, you name it. So if there is an area of your life that isn’t working so well, you need to look at your rules and redefine them.

For example, some time ago I looked at my rules for success. I asked myself, “What has to happen in order for me to feel successful?” My answers surprised me. I had to make a lot more money than I am now. I had to be acknowledged as successful by others, primarily by those in authority. I had to be given recognition (like awards, etc.). And, I had to be given a position of authority.

Pardon the expression, but what a load of crap! Yet, these were the rules I was living under. Picked up from my childhood and other experiences, this is the definition I had unconsciously given to success. Notice how my rules were really leaving me with no control. Under these rules, I was dependent on others’ actions and reactions to me to determine my level of success. I gave myself no say in the matter.

I quickly defined a new set of rules for success – a set of rules where I was in control of the outcome. Now, to me, success means helping another. Success means leaving someone happier and more content than when I first met them. Success is when I learn something new or do something better than I used to. Success is doing something I thought I couldn’t do. Success is giving. And success is continuing to love someone even when they do something I don’t love.

I like these rules a whole lot more because not only am I in control of my success, but I have a whole lot more capacity to feel successful every day. And that’s awesome.

So ask yourself, what has to happen for you to feel successful? What has to happen for you to feel loved? What has to happen for you to be in a passionate relationship? What has to happen for you to be happy? You may be surprised by your answers. You may think others are to blame for things not going well in your life, but it’s only because you set up your rules that way. Know your rules; then change your rules. It will change your life.

Fay Thompson