Epiphany
While I sat contemplating what I wanted out of life, I came across a new concept – one which I will call an epiphany. As I sat wondering what goals I should focus upon, I realized that I didn’t actually want to focus on any particular goals. It’s not that I don’t wish more from my life, it’s just that I have come to a point where I no longer want to write the script of my life. Instead, I would just like to be instead of do. I would like to enjoy the present instead of always focusing on the future. I just want to feel content instead of driven or rushed or pressured. Is such a life possible?
It is. What’s interesting about not controlling the direction of your life and instead allowing it to take you where it wants, life gets better. It becomes more full of wonderful surprises. It appears that life provides you with something better than you can provide on your own when you allow yourself to be led by the forces of contentment and the presence of joy. Most of my life has been spent as a self-proclaimed control freak. While that served me for quite some time, I am now finding my habit of control limits the possibilities of my experience. Essentially, it limits my joy.
For the past month, I have been focusing on releasing control whenever I notice my will wishing to make its presence known. Instead of being a backseat driver, I let my husband take any route he wishes when we go out and enjoy the ride. Instead of telling myself I can’t have an ice cream cone because I am controlling my weight, I ask myself, “What would truly make me feel better? To eat it or not?” Then I go with the best feeling. It’s not about calories. It’s about contentment. Instead of controlling my spending by buying or not buying a blouse because of the price, I ask myself, “Will I enjoy this? Will I wear it often? How would I feel if I owned it?” If the answer is, “I’d love it!” I buy it. If it’s not, I leave it. The focus of my decisions has been on being aware of my feelings in the moment. And when I create one good feeling moment after another, pretty soon they start attracting more feel good moments as if by magic.
I am enjoying staying in the moment, focusing on making the present the best it can be instead of the future. For when the present is good it is automatically creating a good future. I don’t need to control where it’s going. All I need to do is trust where it’s taking me. This makes sense to me because if I spend my time trying to create a more prosperous future, then I am actually saying that my present is not prosperous enough, or, in other words, lacking. When my present is lacking then I am creating a future that is lacking. When my present is prosperous, so shall my future be. I guess this is what it means when they say stop living for tomorrow and live today.
Even without focusing on future goals, I still have a bucket list. I still have certain dreams about what I would like to experience. The difference is I am letting the flow of the Universe take me there. I am trusting that I will be there at the perfect time in perfect order. The truth is, the bucket list doesn’t seem so important anymore. The journey there does. I want it to be a happy one. Because I am coming to point where I realize that accomplishing a goal without joy is no accomplishment at all. Crossing something off of my bucket list doesn’t make me better or happier, wiser or kinder. Completion has nothing to do with joy. Joy can only be found in the present moment, enjoying the moment as it happens. Joy is found in the being, not the doing. It is found in the journey, not the destination. And that is my epiphany.
